all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
