Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
