I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
