holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The best revenge is premature balding
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
