party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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