Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
