we're blogging at a bar
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
