I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
