next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
