I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
