I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
