Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
