new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
