just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
