Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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