She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
