It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
