Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
