I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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