But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
