Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
