i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
