Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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