we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
