i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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