I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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