i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
