I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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