I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
