oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
