she looked like the before picture.
i came on her dog
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
