I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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