if you like me you must not know who I am
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
