I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
