She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
