i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
