life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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