Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
