I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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