Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
