Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize