I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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