I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
