Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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