didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
