Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
