RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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