Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
