Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
