it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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