my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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