I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
