I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
