we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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