Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
